Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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