My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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