So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
