I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
