East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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