Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize