Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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