you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize