put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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