Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
