here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
zippers are such a cool invention
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
