oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
