my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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