i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i may or may not be watching the land before time
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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