Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
