just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
