Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize