i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
