U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
