This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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