i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
