Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
