you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
