I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
