we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
