thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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