Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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