it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
