There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do vagina's smell?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
