Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
