i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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