we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize