based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
