Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
