i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
