Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And then my night got REAL pukey
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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