It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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