Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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