I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
