He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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