I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
