Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I cannot find my penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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