They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
