You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
