That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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