did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
