just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
