I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
