You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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