if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You are the jesus of drinking
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
