I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
