don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on