we made out on top of his cat.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this