I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.