with your own penis?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Randomize
