I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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