Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
