Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
