Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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