So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize