is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
