nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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