I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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