So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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