went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
