I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
