Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
